The Gray's Polliwogs

Since my last post my Grannie pasted way. I am writing tonight to complete our experience. My grandmother had a relentless pursuit for life. She was one tough lady, and she bounced back so many times. This time was not the case, and I was honored to get to see her before she left.

So, I will began with Steven having to fly out to Washington DC, on Thursday week ago. He had a huge trip planned for a long time, he felt really bad leaving us during this time, and however I would not have it any other way. He has worked so hard for these foundations and he needed to be at this meeting. Aubrey was out of school on Friday so I had to take off to be with her, because Steven was out of town. So, I loaded up our car and headed down to Alabama, to see my Grannie. I will say she was in a terrible state, I have never seen anyone struggle in such a pitiful situation. I did get to spend some time with her. I spoke to her, and thanked her for everything. She was not able to communicate at all, but she knew that I was there, and that was the reason I went. After spending time with her on Saturday, I really felt like I needed to spend Saturday night with her, at this point she was in more pain, and the nurses said she was having silent seizures. So, I told Grannie that I would be back, that I needed to go and get the kids bathed and fed and I would be back to spend the night. It would be a pajama party, she could pick the movie. So, I got everything done back at the house, and headed back to spend the night with her. Nikki and I got to spend the night with her in her room. It was a long, rough night. She had shingles, and basically I slept in rubber gloves, in a chair next to her side. Each time she scrunched with pain, I would ease her arms down and rub her hands and talk with her until she fell back to sleep. The staff was in and out through the night. By 6:00am I had to get up and get the kids packed. I went back out to Dad’s and got packed up. We stopped at Mom’s to see her, and then we went to nursing home so that Aubrey could say good-bye to Grannie Great. Then we went out to Steven’s house and saw Grandma Marilyn and Papa Ed. Then we were off on the road headed back to NC. We got back about 10:30 pm Sunday night. We got up and went to work and school on Monday. My work was sorta slow and my boss sent me home. I had to run out and purchase a new dress for Grannie, she wanted a new dress to be buried in, so I went out and got her a new dress, before getting the pollies. I picked them up, and then we bolted to the UPS store to ship her dress. We made it to bed by 9:00pm that was good, we got good sleep. Then, Tuesday morning we were up and out the door heading to school, when my cell phone rang. I answered the phone, it was my Dad…he said she was passing away. Her breathing had stopped and they were waiting on her heart to stop. I pulled over, into the Post Office, and Aubrey and I said a little prayer for her. At this point, I called my boss and she said it was fine for me to head down to Alabama. So, I went back packed up my bathroom stuff, (my car was still packed from our trip from the weekend). I called my hair dresser, and told her that I would not be able to get Jamie there that afternoon that I needed to go Alabama, and she said meet me at the shop. So, I did! I love Terry so much, she is so sweet, she gave Jamie a quick trim and we hit the road. There was lots of rain on the trip, which put us on a delay, but we get there safe and sound. Wednesday, we had several things to do, like going to the florist, getting her dress from UPS, and then my sister and I cleaned out Grannie’s room from the nursing home. It was sad, but I was glad to help in any way that I could. That night we had her visitation. We got to see many extended family members. I was very excited to see my cousins and their children. It was good to see my Aunt and Uncle. It was nice to see, my other Aunts and Uncles from my mother’s side too. There were lots of loved ones. On Thursday mid-day we had her funeral. It was a very light ceremony. There were lots of family members. Grannie would have been so happy to see everyone. She would have loved the funeral procession. I mean, it was like her on personal parade, with the police escort, and everyone pulling over just for her. She would have loved seeing the road workers taking their hats off as she passed by. Everyone was so respectful. The grave site was a bit sad. But we made it through it, and then everyone came out to the farm for lunch that was provided by Midway Baptist Church. This was the church that I grew up in, and Steven and I were married in. The house was full of extended family. It was perfect. I will have to admit it was hard not having Grannie there sitting at the table, sharing her thoughts. But, she would have been proud. Yesterday, the pollies and I headed back home. There were many accidents on the road, and we were delayed something major. We did not make it home until 12:30 am. But, the good news was that Steven had gotten in just a few hours before. It was so good to have us home in the same house all together after 8 days.

Now, that I have shared about what all happened in the past week or so, I want to talk with you about death and our children. They were my rocks through this time for me. When I had an idea that Grannie was not going to make it through, I contacted my children’s minister and asked for advice. She is very wise and she shared with me some ideas on how to handle this tough time with Aubrey. Aubrey is very sensitive; she loved Grannie Great so much. After speaking with Reverend Jan we decided to tell Aubrey what was going on the night before Steven left. That way she had time for the news to settle in to this bad news. She was very sad, and had lots of questions. But, Ms. Jan gave us some ideas to help her. So, one thing we did was on our trip down the first time we made a book. I would tell her stories of Grannie Great and she would draw the pictures. She had made a sweet little book. When we got there to Grannie, Aubrey was sort of shy. I explained to her, that Grannie could hear her, and that she needed to speak louder. I told her that it made Grannie feel better. Aubrey did well with that. By the time we left that Sunday morning, Aubrey had her rubber gloves on rubbing Grannie’s hands and arms. Aubrey was so brave. When seeing Grannie at the visitation, Aubrey did really well. She said her hands feel like rubber. She remembered us talking about Grannie’s body being just a shell, and that her spirit was in heaven with her husband. During the funeral, is when Aubrey truly broke down. She could not understand why they closed the casket. She still wanted to see Grannie. Then, when they moved the casket out of the chapel, she was sad. Then seeing the casket at the grave site, Aubrey had a hard time. She could not understand the placement of where Papa was, and how was she going to be next to him. Then when it was time to leave the grave site she did not want to leave Grannie. So, in order to help give her more closure, we did something special today. We wrote a letter to Grannie on a balloon and released it; we sent it up to heaven. I feel like Aubrey has been a champ through this tough time. She has comforted me more that she will ever know. Jamie as well has kept my spirits up. When we took him down to the casket, he yelled out…”Where her legs”? Also, another funny, we had stopped at Wendy’s to get a bit to eat. We were in line, and Jamie announces that he sees a clown. I stopped what I was doing to find this clown. I did not see one, and then he yells…”Look how big her hair is”! The lady in front of me had a “HUGE” afro, and he thought she was a clown from the back. He was very persistent and would not stop, so I put my hand over his mouth and told Aubrey we needed to leave, so we went through the drive through. So through this sad time they gave me great comfort. I wish that Steven could have been there and he wished he could have been there too. But, we are finally home, safe and sound. I have to say thank you to everyone with their sweet thoughts and prayers. I appreciate all of the facebook posts and the beautiful plants, and the cards. Grandma Robin, I loved your card. I think that I will end this post with your really sweet quote. Thank you.